She Would Rather Die
by Mrs Bella Riddle
Summary: Returning from failing to kill an Auror, Bella reports to the Dark Lord. Despite the expected pain, she was not afraid. She knew she deserved to be punished.


This is inspired by The Fear Challenge and using the prompt 'battered' at the OTP Boot Camp. However, most importantly, it is written for the amazing Azzie (Inkfire) for the 'His Most Faithful' forum fic exchange. I hope she likes it!

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In the dim light from the sun rising above the horizon, a black clothed silhouette stumbled towards the stone and ivy covered country home. Her pale face was set on the building and the colour of her face was contrasted by her black locks and robes that flapped around her in the breeze. She concentrated on walking up the pebbled path and the few stone stairs.

It was difficult.

At every point her legs burned and her broken bones sent stabbing pains throughout her system as she forced herself to continue walking and to who awaited her within. She was so battered and bruised.

Staggering and panting with the pain surging through her, she pushed open the door and used the grey walls as support as she swayed towards the room in front of her. It was dark with only the budding sunrise and lit hearth provided light.

Her goal was already waiting for her.

Relieved to see the man and to be able to stop moving, she collapsed to her knees after only a few steps. Her knees rubbed harshly against the strands of the carpet, but she pushed aside the passing pain from the material and her aching limbs.

It did not matter. Everything was irrelevant when she was in the presence of her Lord. For five years the mark on her arm had been burned onto her flesh. No matter the task she would fall before her Master as his willing and faithful servant. She savoured every second particularly when her wand was raised against blood traitors and mudbloods or she was a presence in his bed.

Despite that, as she stared up at his dark blue eyes flecked with scarlet and bloodied like he had yet to sleep, she was overwhelmed by his sheer power and apprehensive about how he would use his abilities. It was one of the rare occasions she worried. Normally the power in his gaze and a glance at his snow white skin was nothing less than a positive, but sometimes she knew his magic could come down hard on her such as when she had failed.

Like now.

The Dark Lord had ordered her to kill a popular Auror. She had been thrilled when she had been summoned by him to complete such a task; both because of the blood lust and the pleasure of being trusted to complete such a mission by herself. However, it had not gone according to plan. She had barely appeared on the Auror's property when she had been interrupted. It had not been her target, but by the arrival of five Aurors; their wand extended and their scarlet robes flapping behind them in the breeze.

She had been outnumbered five to one, but there had been a reason Bella had been named after a star meaning the female warrior. She had not stood a chance, but surrender was not an option. She had fought. Every curse she possibly knew had been fired at her opponents. It was only when she had been struck so many times that she could barely stand that she had finally apparated. It was a miracle she had made it to her Lord's home without splinching herself.

However, she knew her Lord would never accept her excuses. She had failed him. For that she needed to be punished, so she lowered her head leaving her neck vulnerable like someone about to be executed.

"You have returned," her Master murmured, his voice calm and level. She was unsure if that meant he was unaware of her failure or he was merely containing his anger with the capabilities that only her Lord possessed. "I can only assume that means you have succeeded."

She had never failed her Lord. She had been a model follower and the thought of doing anything less than pleasing him turned her cheeks scarlet and made her quiver as if she was in physical anguish.

"No, m- my Lord I-" Her voice quivered and was noticeably quieter than usual as she tried to meet her Master's eye. "As soon as I arrived five other Aurors appeared-"

"I assume your excuses mean that you failed," her Lord cut in silkily like the fangs of a serpent closing.

Her mirth increased as she shrunk further before him. "Yes, Master," she conceded softly.

He did not react immediately. His bloodied eyes traced over her form before he slowly stepped forward. His thin frame drew closer to hers and, despite the prospect of punishment, the familiar rush of heat and passion churned in her stomach. Her throat was dry as she watched and waited.

It felt like an hour of him slowly looking down at her and doing nothing as he slowly withdrew his wand. Others might have been even more terrified at the appearance of the yew wood, but she was not. She knew she would be punished and she knew she deserved it. She would never question the curses he unleashed or anything he did.

"I apologise, my Lord," she said softly before she could help herself, "I know I can have no excuses. I accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate."

Bella could have sworn she might have seen the ghost of surprise over his ice features but it was so brief she was sure she imagined it. He did not comment. He only lifted his wand and drew it down in a brutal stroke.

The lash of the Cruciatus Curse on her flesh was not unsurprising, but she still screamed and her body contorted. It was like there were waves of knives digging into her skin. It was intense and horrifying, though she was used to the pain and her screams died down until the curse was lifted.

Gasping and panting she looked up and waited. Her reprieve lasted only a moment before another came and another.

The pain was awful and excruciating, though she knew she deserved it. Even as the anguish grew to a crescendo she did not object to anything until it finally stopped.

Breathing heavily and collapsed onto her hands and knees, she slowly lifted her head and watched the Dark Lord. His expression or pose did not twitch. He just continued to examine her. She was not sure what that meant, but she knew better than to try and analyse his thoughts. They were too complicated for any mere mortal to comprehend.

"Are you still willing to accept any punishment?" he questioned silkily, his wand twirling through his long fingers and attracting all of her attention.

She was a little taken aback by the question; not because it was difficult, but because the answer was obvious. "Of course, Master." Her voice was hoarse but she did not hesitate. Pain continued to rip through her body, but she knew she deserved it for failing the Dark Lord. "I don't fear your curses. I will not argue with any of your measure even if they involve pain."

The Dark Lord did not seem convinced. He only twisted his wand in his fingers so it was pointed down at her. She did not flinch.

"But what if I continued cursing you? What if I continued cursing you until you lost her mind?" Her eyes flicked closed briefly in order to control herself. It was a terrifying threat, but she could not alter her original opinion. "What if I decided to kill you? Are you suggesting you are not afraid of death?"

Staring at the tip of his wand she swallowed down a lump in her throat. She was not scared enough to doubt her convictions. He was her Master. He had made her the woman she was today. If he killed her it seemed appropriate.

"It would only be an honour to face death by your wand." The convictions were clear in her voice and rendered her Lord silent for a moment.

"Look at me." The Dark Lord paused, his voice oddly unsure. She did as was requested and looked into his bloodied eyes. His eyebrows were knitted slightly as if he was trying to determine something truly great rather than just her thoughts. "Do not use Occluemecy."

She did what was ordered and, without hesitation, she took down the tight walls around her mind. Her Lord did not hesitate and surged inside. It was almost like how he took her though there was no pleasure as something was forced into her thoughts. She did not resist and allowed him to search through her brain. He was a master Legilimens and he quickly flicked through the images of her memories and her current thoughts at such a quick pace that she could not determine what attracted his interest or what he saw.

When he finally withdrew, his eyes were narrowed and his express was perplexed. She did not understand. How could her Lord even be confused by anything he saw in her mind?

"You really do not fear death?" It was the only time he seemed to believe her even if he had a hard time trying to comprehend what he said.

"If you deemed fit that I was no longer useful to you, then yes."

Somehow his lips curled up into a smile as if he had finally understood something.

He stretched out his hand and she could not help but lean into the caress as his long cool fingers brushed against her cheek. A part of her knew that there was something deeper and more sinister behind the action. Regardless she rubbed against the gesture as if she was a cat.

"It is strange," he said softly in consideration. He was calm as he leaned over her. "I actually believe you."

She beamed at him all thought of her failure forgotten in his hands. "Thank you, my Lord I-"

"You fail to recognise my point." He cut in his voice suddenly harsh. His nails dug into her jaw. She flinched slightly, but she did not cry out. She was used to such actions from the Dark Lord and she would not deny him. "I know that is not the sort of punishment that would be most suited to you."

She did not understand. She only looked at him with wide eyes and without uttering anything.

Suddenly he released his grip on her as he pushed her to the ground and straightened himself up. She recoiled from the sudden action as she tried to sit up. As her arms settled behind her, she halted when his wand was between her eyes once again.

"Get out," he hissed softly.

"Master I-"

"Out!" he repeated the volume of his voice increasing. "I want you out of my sight. You have demonstrated how useless you are. Do not return until I order you to."

For the first time her heart stopped and it true pain filled her veins. She had to stop her eyes from watering. There was nothing worse to hear from his lips. She could tolerate pain, but she could not withstand being useless to him and the prospect of being banished from his side. She could not live without him in her life. He was her life.

She did not obey him straight away but continued to stare at him. She just wanted him to say something else.

His bloodied eyes flared red, but still did not move. "Bellatrix." His tone was filled with fury and she cringed and this time a few tears leaked from her eyes.

She had failed him. Giving him one last pleading stare and doing all she could to not let out a useful plea, she tried to stand. Her legs shook underneath her and she almost toppled over in the process. He looked at her with the same furious eyes. She continued to cry as she stepped backwards at as slow a pace as she dared.

"My Lord," she said so softly it was barely heard. It was only answered by the Dark Lord turning his back. The smallest whimper escaped as she slowly backed out of the room.

She only made it one step out before the door closed behind her and she collapsed on her knees either from emotional or physical exertion.

She could not live to be useless to him. She would rather die.


End file.
